"I Don't Want to Be Me" by Shay-Renee

My Original Song Lyrics:

"I Don't Want to Be Me"

Bridge 1:

I'm breaking down--

And there's no one to see me

I'm breaking down--

And I don't want to be me

I'm breaking down--

And there's no one to hear me

I'm breaking down

And I don't want to be me

Chorus:

Do you know what it's like?

To look in the mirror--

And think you're fat

Do you know what it's like?

To look in the mirror--

And you feel like that

Verse 1:

Maybe you don't,

Or maybe you do--

And what would I do?

If I were you

Maybe I'm right,

Or maybe I'm wrong--

But I just need a place,

Where I belong

Chorus:

Do you know what it's like?

To look in the mirror--

And think you're fat

Do you know what it's like?

To look in the mirror--

And you feel like that

You see....

Bridge 1:

I'm breaking down--

And there's no one to see me

I'm breaking down--

And I don't want to be me

I'm breaking down--

And there's no one to hear me

I'm breaking down

And I don't want to be me

Bridge 2: (vamp)

I'm breaking down--

And there's no one to see me

I'm breaking down--

And I don't want to be me

I'm breaking down--

And there's no one to hear me

I'm breaking down

And I just don't want to be me...

Shay-Renee

©2013

"Life Struggles" by Shay-Renee

My Original Song Lyrics:

"Life Struggles"

Verse 1:

Your life is hanging--

By a thread

And the words they've said,

They replay in your head

Verse 2:

Your world is crashing--

Like a storm

And the love you had,

You don' have it anymore

Verse 3:

Your life is changing

Day by day

And the friends you had,

They aren't there anymore

Verse 4:

Your walls keep building--

Piece by piece

And the pain you have,

You can't take it anymore

Verse 5:

It seems defeating--

Time after time

And the smile you wear,

Is to cover up the pain

Verse 6:

Your heart is beating--

But it's numb

And the feelings you had,

You can't feel them anymore

Verse 7:

Your life is hanging--

By a thread

And the words they've said,

They replay in your head

Verse 8:

You feel so empty--

And all alone

But that's not true,

I am here for you

Shay-Renee

©2013

"Lifeless" by Shay-Renee

My Original Song Lyrics:

"Lifeless"

Verse 1:

Lifeless,

Laying on the ground

Is anyone out there?

To hear my sounds

Yet, there is no one

To help around

I'm lying lifeless

On the ground

Bridge:

Can you see me?

Are you even around?

Can you pick me,

Up off the ground?

Chorus: (2x)

I'm standing there lifeless,

With no where to go

I'm standing there lifeless,

With nothing to show

I'm standing there lifeless,

With no where to grow

I'm standing there lifeless

Does anybody nooo-tice me?

Does anybody nooo-tice me?

Does anybody nooo-tice me?

Does anybody nooo-tice me?

Verse 2:

Lifeless,

Laying there in pain

Is anyone out there?

To keep me sane

Yet, there is no one

To help me out

I'm lying lifeless,

Can you hear me shout?

Bridge:

Can you see me?

Are you even around?

Can you pick me,

Up off the ground?

Chorus: (2x)

I'm standing there lifeless,

With no where to go

I'm standing there lifeless,

With nothing to show

I'm standing there lifeless,

With no where to grow

I'm standing there lifeless

Does anybody nooo-tice me?

Does anybody nooo-tice me?

Does anybody nooo-tice me?

Does anybody nooo-tice me?

Verse 3: (Same as Verse 1)

Lifeless,

Laying on the ground

Is anyone out there?

To hear my sounds

Yet, there is no one

To help around

I'm lying lifeless

On the ground...

Shay-Renee

©2013

"Invisible" by Shay-Renee

My Original Song Lyrics:

"Invisible"

Chorus:
Can you see me?

Can you hear me?

Are you listening--

To me?

Verse 1:

I was crying

I was hurting

You did nothing--

To help

Bridge 1:

You just stood there

You said nothing

You were blind--

I see

Chorus:

Can you see me?

Can you hear me?

Are you listening--

To me?

Verse 2:

I was drowning

I was dying

You did nothing--

To help

Bridge 1:

You just stood there

You said nothing

You were blind--

I see

Chorus:

Can you see me?

Can you hear me?

Are you listening--

To me?

Verse 3:

I was screaming

I was beggin'

You did nothing--

To help

Chorus:

Can you see me?

Can you hear me?

Are you listening--

To me?

Verse 4:

I was bleeding

I was needing

For you to see me--

Through

Bridge 2: (vamp)

You were watching

You just left me

You just left me

There...

Shay-Renee

©2013

"6 Months Clean" by Shay-Renee

"6 Months Clean"

4 years cutting,
And I never missed a night.

I would lie to myself--

And say, "I'll be alright."

The very next day,

I would cut again--

For I lived in a place,

Where I couldn't win.

The first cut hurt--

But the second one was better.

Lying by my knife--

Was my suicide letter.

I watched the blood--

Drip down my arms.

I told myself--

I was doing no harm.

6 months clean--

With little scars to show.

I taught myself--

How to learn to let go.

6 months clean--

And my scars are healing.

Now I live a life,

Where I express my feelings.

6 months clean--

And I'm doing so much better.

And guess what mom?

I've burned my suicide letter.

Shay-Renee

©2013

"You Are Worth It" by Shay-Renee

"You Are Worth It"

Hey "Broken Butterfly",

Holding that gun--

I know that there are days,

When life doesn't seem so fun.

But trust me "Broken Butterfly",

Things will get better.

Just wait it out--

And get through the stormy weather.

Life is hard--

And things will get tough,

There will be days

When you don't feel good enough.

And there will be times

When you feel so alone--

But wait there's help,

Just pick up your phone.

I know you feel broken,

You feel permanently scarred--

And the road to recovery,

Will be very hard.

But trust me "Broken Butterfly",

You can do it!

Because in my heart

I know that you're worth it!

Shay-Renee

©2013

"Beggin'" by Shay-Renee

"Beggin'"

She's beggin' on her knees--

"Pretty please!"

That he would quit--

With all of the hits.

Hitting her in her face--

It's not in his place.

She's crying and pleading,

Abuse is not what she's needing.

He's such a disgrace--

Hitting her continuously in her face.

She's trying so hard--

To drop his guard.

For heaven's sake!

She deserves a break!

Blow by blow,

She's dying slow.

Beggin' for peace...

Now she's deceased.

Shay-Renee

©2007

Facts:

"Three to four million women in the United States are beaten in their homes each year by their husbands, ex-husbands, or male lovers."
-http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/facts.htm

"One woman is beaten by her husband or partner every 15 seconds in the United States."
-http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/facts.htm

"One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime."
- http://www.clicktoempower.org/domestic-violence-facts.aspx

"Paralyzed" by Shay-Renee

"Paralyzed"

I saw the tears running down his eyes--

As the doctor told him that he was paralyzed.

He wanted to scream and shout.

He took it as a no way out.

Looking at it as a curse--

Thinking that it'll only get worse.

Paralyzed for his neck and down--

All he could do was sit and frown.

He couldn't believe his life went this way--

Knowing all that he could do was hope and pray.

Crazy thoughts running through his head--

Thoughts of him wanting to be dead.

There was nothing that anyone could say--

To brighten up this person's day.

He thought he had no right to live--

Since there was nothing that he could give.

Continuing to live his life--

As of today, he has two kids and a wife.

Shay-Renee

©2007

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
-Matthew 19:26

"Don't Understand" by Shay-Renee

"Don't Understand"

My heart is broken,

Life is the token.

My soul is black,

Passion I lack.

Where did I go wrong?

I just don't belong.

Life is so unfair--

People don't even care.

Nothing's in my hand--

I just don't understand.

Something's just not right--

I can't see the light.

What is God's plan?

What is your plan?

I'm losing all my faith--

Life's nothing without faith...

Why am I living?

Is He not giving?

Some days life is bright,

Other days I lose sight.

Seeing death as a way out--

Just can't seem to scream or shout...

What is your great plan?

I just don't understand.

Shay-Renee

©2005

"Even in darkness, there is a light. You just have to look for it."

-Unknown

"Untitled (Like A Rose)" by Shay-Renee

"Untitled (Like A Rose)"

Like thorns on a rose--

I can be a prick.

Like roots on a rose--

My faith and my values will always stick.

Like the sun to the rose--

I need love to survive.

Like water to a rose--

I need a purpose to stay alive.

Like wind to the rose--

I need support to carry me.

Like good weather to a rose--

To Him I remain faithfully.

Like a rose from a lover which he will give--

I leave life, truth, words, and wisdom on paper and I present my purpose to live.

Shay-Renee

©2005

"I Write For" by Shay-Renee

"I Write For"

I write for hope,

In saying nope.

Nope for rain--

Or any pain--

Anywhere.

Because I care.

When people are dying,

I care.

When people are starving,

I want to share.

When people are in pain,

To watch I can hardly bear.

There are things we can do--

Yes, me and you.

Let's do something now and right.

When pain is in sight,

Let's come together and hold on tight--

And make a light so bright--

That everyone who need it--

Can reach for it, 

See it,

Grab it, 

Take it, 

And use it.

Shay-Renee

©2007

"Even if I can’t see the light in my own darkness, I’ll still be the light in others."

— Shay-Renee

"A Way She Cared" by Shay-Renee

"A Way She Cared"

See, my mom's had may be thick--

But she put me first, when I got sick.

When I woke her up, in the middle of the night.

She would stay up to see if I was alright.

It was one way, that she had cared--

One of the precious times, that we had shared.

For that whole week, 

When I couldn't speak--

She was always there, 

To show that she cared.

And for the days, that I couldn't hear--

Out of my left ear.

She made sure,

That I got cured.

See, when I got sick--

I was my mom's first pick.

Don't get me wrong,

It wasn't the only time we got along.

There were other ways--

On other days.

But when we did get into a fight,

It took a while for things to be alright.

But when I was under the weather,

She made sure that I got better.

Shay-Renee

©2007

"I cannot teach a “Broken Butterfly” how to love him/herself,
But I can tell them that I LOVE them.
This blog was created to do that.
Broken Butterfly, I LOVE you!
Some posts will be sad, some posts will be encouraging…
I can’t help that.
But all posts will be honest to how I feel in one way or another.
And maybe just in knowing that someone else has been where a “Broken Butterfly” has been and knowing that someone loves them, will be enough to help.
I don’t know,
But I HOPE so."
— Shay-Renee

"Followed the Rainbow" by Shay-Renee

"Followed The Rainbow"

I followed the rainbow--

To the end.

What I found out, 

I had to mend.

There was no gold, 

But a heart.

It was ripped--

And torn apart.

To tell the truth, 

I had to find out.

What this meant? 

And what it was all about?

The heart was red--

With lots of holes.

But it was dead--

And had no soul.

The heart was split,

Into two.

This heard didn't know--

What to do.

One side was love,

The other was hate.

Which comes first--

Was a debate.

For it was hate--

And that needed to change.

For it was fate,

To have this re-arranged.

I followed the rainbow--

And what I saw hurt.

The truth was....

The heart was dirt.

But this had changed--

And turned to gold.

The heart was mine,

Truth be told.

Shay-Renee

©2007

"Someone closed to me once said: 'Just because your heart gets broken, doesn’t mean that it stops beating'."
— Shay-Renee

"Stairway to Heaven" by Shay-Renee

"Stairway to Heaven"

I walked up the stairway,

Straight into heaven.

Got all the way up there,

At around seven.

The place was amazing!

It was so free.

Nobody sad,

Everyone was stress-free.

There was no pain,

There was no dark,

But a sun that shines--

Above a summer's park.

There was no pain--

Or any gloom.

Just like a light,

Love filled the room.

There was this face,

This face abroad.

Oh my god!

It was the face of God!

You don't have to believe me,

You will see.

When you see heaven,

Like I'm going to see.

It was so beautiful,

The prettiest sight.

There is no day--

Or a night.

There's a big party,

No sign of time.

Everything flows,

Just like a rhyme.

A place so calm,

A place so serene,

A place like no other--

Not even in your dreams.

A place full of promise,

A place so real.

If only you can see--

And feel what I feel.

This stairway isn't easy,

It's a hard one to find--

But when you find it,

You'll have peace in your mind.

The journey to get there,

It all depends.

The journey could be short or long--

But it doesn't matter how it ends.

Just live life to the fullest--

Here on earth!

Enjoy every moment--

And cherish your birth!

Know that life doesn't end--

When you die.

And all the pain--

Is gone like an open lie.

I'll walk up this stairway,

Once again.

And know that my life--

Will begin again.

So, I'll push to the end--

Right up to heaven.

Dear Lord I'll be there,

At around seven.

Shay-Renee

©2007

"The only comfort in pain is knowing that some form love is/was involved."
— Shay-Renee

"How Could You?" by Shay-Renee

"How Could You?"

How could you just sit there?

And not even care!

How could you just sit there?

And just watch and stare!

Don't you see that I'm in pain?

Can't you see the bloody stain!?

How could you make me so confused?

And sit there and watch me being used!

How could you just watch me scream?

It was a nightmare, not a dream!

I look at you with all this hate!

Hoping one day that I could relate.

How could you just leave me alone?

You can hear my pain in my tone.

How could you not even care?

That I was being raped there!

How could you not even care?

That I was terrified and really scared!

Shay-Renee

©2007

Fact:
"Each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. It is predicted that by 2020 the rate of death will increase to one every 20 seconds."
— World Health Organization

"Who Is That Girl?" by Shay-Renee

"Who Is That Girl?"

Look inside the girl,

Who wears a little curl.

Can you see the hurt?

Her life is worser than dirt.

One minute she's overjoyed--

The other, she's annoyed.

Can't you tell by her tears?

That she has little fears.

She doesn't fear to die--

And don't ask her why.

You'll just get a long story--

With not a speck of glory.

Can you feel her pain?

It's stuck like a stain.

Everyday there's a hump,

Not a little road bump.

She knows that life isn't easy--

Didn't ask for it to be breezy.

There is storm after storm--

She'd rather live in a dorm.

Can you see the lies?

Maybe the hurt in her eyes?

For every lie that she's told--

Her life seems to unfold.

Can you see her broken heart?

It has been ripped and torn apart.

Will she ever get the chance?

At a little romance.

Have you asked her what she'll say--

If her life ended today?

She would look you in the eye,

Not a tear or a cry--

And she would say she wouldn't care.

You would look and just stare--

And wonder why she would say something like that.

Did you say that she was fat?

You wonder who that girl can be--

Then you found out, it was ME!

Shay-Renee

©2005

Fact:

"18 million of suffer from depression in the United States."
— The National Institute of Mental Health

"Depression Can Happen to You" by Shay-Renee

"Depression Can Happen to You"

I think I'm over my depression state.

If it's true, it's a debate.

Maybe now I can finally smile,

But maybe I'm just in denial.

Yeah, depression could be a state of mind--

But it's the easiest state to find.

Depression is the hardest thing to get through--

If it happen to me, it can happen to you.

Shay-Renee

©2007

Fact:
"Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression."
— US Surgeon’s General Survey, 1999

"When You Bear to Care" by Shay-Renee

"When You Bear to Care"

If I told you that I was sad,

Would you really care?

Even if my sorrows,

I never seem to share?

It's because I see your pain--

And I sit there and listen.

The last thing any of you need to hear from me,

Is what my life is missing...

There is enough sorrow--

In your world already.

So, I'll keep my sorrows,

Even if they are too heavy...

I seem to care a little too much,

That it leads my life to drama and such...

That the pain I already have plus yours,

Is really too much.

And only time will tell if I can help--

With my heart, my touch...

Until then, my heart,

It stops beating...

On days like this,

When caring seems defeating...

Until time shows what's to come of--

All of this sorrow...

I will try to hold tight to--

Believing that things will be better tomorrow...

But, until then,

I'll just have to wait...

Until time can empty or clear,

This precious yet heavy slate!

So, would you care--

If I was sad?

Even if I knew your life--

Was going a little bad?

Why would I want to add to your pain?

I will just let my caring drive me insane!

Shay-Renee

©2010

"I don’t mind catching or stopping someone’s tears from falling. I just wish that I had someone to catch or stop my tears from falling. I’d catch a MILLION tears just to save someone from feeling pain."
— Shay-Renee

"Death Is After Me" by Shay-Renee

"Death Is After Me"

I would walk for miles if I could end the pain!

I would commit suicide just to feel sane!

I would sky dive just to say I did...

I would give up my world just to be a kid...

At least then life was a little more easy...

Now-a-days I can't smile without feeling cheesy...

Trust me if I could cut myself I would!

Just so people could see that I'm really complicated and misunderstood...

And believe me, I might still commit suicide!

For in my life, that and pain just coincide...

And believe me, I would give up my last breath--

Just to feel the peace after death...

But don't worry, I am still here.

And my future is what I fear...

'Cause even to those that hold the pieces of my heart with a key,

I can't bare to tell them that death is after me!

Shay-Renee

©2010

"If you always run away from your problems, then you’ll be running away forever."
— Shay-Renee

"It's Personal" by Shay-Renee

"It's Personal"

Why even try when you are going to fail?

Why lead a path when you can't see the trail?

Why love when it just ends in pain?

Why act normal, when you are truly insane?

Why care for anything just to lose everything?

Why buy a wedding ring when it's an eulogy you sing?

Why have a heart when it just ends up broken?

Why not say it all, and leave nothing unspoken?

Why live when you're just going to die?

Why say hi when you really want to say goodbye?

Why say yes when you really mean no?

Why hang on when you want to let go?

Why say that your life is perfect when it's really a mess?

Why say you're okay when you are really depressed?

Why stand only to fall?

Why give it your everything just to have nothing at all?

Why be glad when you life is full of sorrow?

Why live today when you don't see tomorrow?

Why smile when you are always sad

Why act nice when you are really mad?

Why stay here when I can end it all!

Then there's not sorrow, no pain, nothing at all!

Shay-Renee

©2010

"Love is about making sacrifices sometimes… Even when it hurts."
— Shay-Renee

"I've Already Died" by Shay-Renee

"I've Already Died"

My life was over since I was born,

My heart has many rips and many thorns.

I have yet to see--

What God has planned for me.

But if this is it,

Then he can have the life he gave me back--

Because the skies here are always black and gray--

And all the blue has gone away--

Because all the pain is here to stay.

So, make my bed so I can sleep forever.

As of now, my life's been over.

All the hurtful tears I've cried,

It feels like I've Already Died.

Shay-Renee

©2008

Fact:

"350 million people worldwide suffer from depression."
— World Health Organization

"Mentally Depressed" by Shay-Renee

"Mentally Depressed"

I think of life so much less,

On days like this when I'm depressed.

Suicide thoughts run through my mind,

The coldest heart is what you'll find.

Many thoughts about my death,

Hoping I take my final breath.

My depression is really bad.

No one knows and that makes me sad.

It comes every once in a while,

Some days it makes it hard to smile.

As much as I want to joke and play,
It's hard to do on a day like today.

So, today I have one question to send--
"Will you put my life to an end?"

Shay-Renee

©2007

Fact:

"2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment. Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers."
— Twloha.com/facts